Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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