i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
