Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
