so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize