He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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