Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
