Already got asked if we're dating
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
