literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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