Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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