i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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