shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
