Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
