Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
