If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
