That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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