he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
