I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want a musical about memes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
