I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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