Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
