I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
