Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
