hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
