i wish starbucks made bloody marys
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
