Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
