why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
