I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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