remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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