I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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