I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
