I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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