it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
