party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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