your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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