hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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