Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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