is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
