are you so shy because you have an std?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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