She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
