Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
