Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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