we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
