Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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