I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
