You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
