Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize