Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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