this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
