I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
