I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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