barbara walters just said penis...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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