I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
