about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
