Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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