If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
