Little spoons don't ask big questions
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
