It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
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