Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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