no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
not ubering you a puppy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
