I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
