dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
