I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
