I wish I could teleport
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
