Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
