we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize