I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i have two assholes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
