Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
