just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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