Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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