wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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