So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
