I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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