I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
